Had loads of Obstacles.... Almost lost... Till i met HIM....
But there's someone appeared unknowingly in my life when i felt i needed someone to teach me to find my lost way.. who make me realised everything is not that simple... And yet not so complicated if i just need more effort to understand others...

and He IsThe reason to make me feel Motivated, determine to move On, happy...

he is also the one who dare to tell me the truth... Although It's hurts alot to realise something bad about myself...

he no one but BB... he is the reason to make me change for the better....

I Not that Perfect, but i am Trying hard.

My wish for this year 2011...

i want to be smaller in size by 31 december>.<
i want to iphone 5 by this year end
got be happy always and find myself... i dun wanna be lost anymore...
be smarter, can handle everything wisely proper way...
I dun want to be faT WOMAN
I WANT TO GO FOR LONG HOLIDAY AFTER MY STUFFS ARE SETTLE DOWN....
DUN BE A COWARD... FACE ALL THE THINGS..... BE A STRONGER GAL

AMMA SAYS

THINK GOOD,
SAY GOOD,
DO GOOD~!

OM Namo Narayani~

a song i feel that is very meaning~!!






For BB,




 OMG~~!!! MY REALLY FAVOURITE~!!!! wahahahahaha~

..... WOW........

seriously i dun know and how.... TOTALLY WOW nia... wow means world of wordless..... especially to those i have name them as my sister / best buddy and friends... being nice to people must really got motive ma? seriously... for me i dun have... cause why should i? is really purely treat them nice.... i mean i can be very nasty to someone too but when that happens means that person really too much... and took me for granted~!!! or really made me hit the roof.. i am just a normal  SG local born gal.... i really dun understand why a friend i call sister would feel and do such things to me.... including some other humans i mean i call them human is being courtesy~!!!! just like some aunties i know outside... i just really feel that she need friends.... i make friends with her... in front of me and other... praise me and so on... end up... behind me... doubting me~!!! WA Lau.. it really turn me off from her liao...i feel like confronting her... but i dun wanna make things more complicated~!! another human....is my 23 years friend....we know since young.... and grew up together.... i NV doubt her... i NV suspected her... I NEVER EXPECTED HER to badmouth me..... talking about me.... being a bad woman.... i mean... am i really that horrible... i mean i know i would ignore the person who i not close too or busy at work i would just be alone~!! but it doesn't mean anything lo~!!!I GAVE UP ON TELLING PEOPLE OFF~!!.. LET IT BE~!! HEAVEN GOT EYES... WILL KNOW WHO AND HOW I REALLY... MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR~!.... I SWEAR.... EVEN LIKE....  for BB... I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY... the only thing i wanted is him to be happy... so i really willing to do everything within my limit to cheer him up... make him happy even i will look stupid or dumb.... i really dun expect abything from him.... ( okay la he told me he appreciate everything i did for him... and he is touched which really make me feel happy cause nvr one a guy said this to me.. or anyone~!)even like the thing i made for him~ seriously~(which i don't think i benefit anything lo... ) but only feel happy when he is happy.... actually seriously i make friend with him i saw he was so emo cause of his failed relationship.... i stay by his side as a friend all i wanna to be is to cheer him up... wanna him to move on with his own life forget about that girl and just stay as friends with that girl as i know they know each other long time... it's painful to give up friendship...  or to lose a friend who to you important...well whatever.... initially is like that... but somehow feelings grows...(i mean as time goes by.. i like him, and wish i could be with him.... but i know is difficult... i only can daydream about LOL~!!) but seriously i can be friend with him, i happy le.. i enjoy his company... i like to hear his voice... i like to see his eyes...( actually nvr notice till 2 time we went out he ask me about his eyes... then i realise he really got beautiful eye, ops!).. anyway i know with my type of situation for now.... it.s difficult to involve in a rs.... i take as i'm one sided ba... cause i dun know he really like h=me or dun like liao... cause i given him so much rubbish attitude which as i just learnt if you like that person, should show him ur weak part.... or tell him about the past....whateva la... long list la... still learning...........

 but anyway... bb Not in my fb liao.... i found on Mon.... i was damn paranoid....lol.... till now i am still v sad... i feel so lonely with him in my fb... i mean everytime i log in.... i can see him on my special list.i feel as if he is still around.... . I ANYHOW THINK again... I THOUGHT HE DELETE ME/ BLOCK ME AND CHANGE HIS NAME~!! CAUSE HE DUN WANNA CARE ME LIAO~  HE DUN CARE ME LIAO!!! I DIRECTLY MESSAGE HIM ASK HIM.... DITRACTION  ESPECIALLY HE NEED TO STUDY NOW AND SO ON....STAY FOCUS TO SOLVE EVERTHING~!....he said he deactivate his account and is like JUst delete nia lo.... BUT LATER ON I FIGURE OUT I HAVE THE WRONG REACTION AGAIN~!!! MAYBE HE IS JUST STRESSED... AND FB IS KIND OF .... >.< i really almost cryout~!!! now i hope he can JOIN BACK FB SO THAT AT LEAST IF I GO OVER SEAS STUDIES OF WATEVER I STILL CA SEE HIM ONLINE....I GAVE HIM MY ID AND PW... HOPE HE COULD ADD ME FROM MY ACC.... IF HE DOES JOIN BK............  but i prefer and used to see him in my fb for the pass 9 months... i really hope he will join bk fb la....i misses him although my hp got is pic... 

well it's late........ i guess i beta sleep......... tired~!!!!!!!! ahhh... maybe for tomorrow....and friday i will try to control my sms to him... cause still everyday message... emoing.... really have tolet him be alone... he told me he got alot to do and think... I REALLY WISH I CAN BE USEFUL TO HIM....i really hope i can do something or help him share about of stress? wateva he is facing.... at least he will be happy~!

aiyo~!!! why every time i will talk about BB HUH~~!! i think better stop.....

I love Wang Lee Hom~~!!! and these song reminds me of BB....

Promise to myself

from tomorrow onwards,
everyday must run and lose weight to 45 kg,
take care of myself proper,
eat wisely,
spend wisely,
cannot bugged bb even though he is willing to be my listening ears....
be discipline in everthing i do, cannot give up, cannot let go,
before say anything think twice~!
never be impulsive again~!
I do have IQ and EQ that hidden in my brain that i never use.... from tomorrow MUST USE...
say things, do thing at the right time...
stop thinking too much... do it not just say~!
STOP BEING A DRAMATIC QUEEN~! stop anyhow imagine things would be so terrible horrible...

too much in my heart...too heavy in myself

i feeling negative depressed for these days.... reason because of myself..... seriously i need to take care myself le... i not 18 any longer.... i always being pampered by people around me... list goes on... i used to  really regret for not listening my auntie's advice... for my whole freaking life i have been making wrong decision...  and now i am asking myself why am i holding it all....one thing lead to another...in the past i will keep blaming everyone around me but never myself... i will be saying" i should have like this and like that thing will be not like this and like that..."  now i cannot le... i must focus in my PRESENT and future

I have an job offer in New York now.... i want to go... but... think again... before i leave.... i have my family in SG... and i have loads of shits from the past wrong decision made to clear one by one... i talked to AMMA at the altar just now.. confessed it every single thing.. for this whole week i realised a lot of stuffs about myself.... i want to change... in the past i always procrastinate... now also.... but from this very moment.... for everyone in my life.... includes my family, BB and myself... i really have to think twice for everything i decide.... i told BB i want want to go NYC to but never tell him much... because i really have the urge to leave SG... but think twice... is not going to solve everything if i just leave SG like that...is going to be worst and i may dragged my family in... i am a stubborn gal...i am a impulsive, short tempered,negative gal.... i feel nobody understands me... the list goes on... only recent i realise... why this happening.. is because i NEVER SPEAK OUT... i thought i could handle myself well... my financial well... but i am wrong... ( sound so negative hor~!) but this is the truth... i look myself in the mirror.... is only looking into the mirror i then can see myself... see how horrible i am....asking myself why this and that.... in the past i nvr get answer cause i will just be a self denial gal... hahaha JOKE RIGHT~! i am lack of confidence, i cannot find my self worth and self esteem at all... i am weak minded... i realised.... after admit all this negative stuff... now i really look into it...i must change...

i like BB a lot... i really do.... i wish to be with BB, i want to know how he feel for me.... i must be true to myself stop being self denial and but i realised i not ready for any relationship or in the right states to love a guy... if truly love him, i should not be giving troubles by telling my troubles, do stupid things to make him worry... and freaking so possessive, wants his accompany, never think how he feel about my this bad attitude... why am i like this? why am i a attention seeker? asking myself these question.... perhaps i just leave him alone....  i need to wake up le... I REALLY DUN WANNA LOSE HIM.... now i need to find myself to love myself... build my self esteem... my confidence and change myself... is going to be long way... i fell too many times.... after that day.... i really realised he is someone i really dun wanna to lose... (i need to reform myself cause i not a prefect girl... or whatever people can say about me....)

I need determination, motivation and confidence.... and this is so true.... no one can give... if i dun help myself.... well is late i will stop now...

i shall have good rest tonight... i was freaking down and tired.... after telling amma about it, i feel better.... seriously need to think wisely and reconsider about everything in my mind.

i don't wanna be a burden... but with what this thought i had months ago... i am a burden... wrong decision, wrong thinking everything is just not right. whatever should go home and rest now.....

i got it

is almost 2 am, i just cannot sleep... i was damn down last few days... but i guess i am fine now.... i am back to normal ba.. LOL......cause i dun know why happen what is in mind...i want to ask but i scare he angry... i been a bad gal i realised... i kept bugging him.... i know i shouldn't.... i know i not a good gal... been very bad... i given him Loads of irritations feeling ba... maybe he dun care as i thought ba.... i really wanna have a good talk... but he seems like dun bother... perhaps... forget it ba~! all i need now is to let go the feeling for him.... i guess it better to be friends.... sat afternoon.. i met him for awhile near his house busstop... to pass him somethings.... and i was latew for 2 hour~! main reason was i preparing the stuffs... and writing notes for him.... idid research for skin irritation , problematic nd everything about skin.... for the past few days... i even ask those friend which product is good for his skin.... actually... today i see him.... his complexion is not as horrible as it is.... i miss him... and i really do... i was wordless when i saw him... and the same thing given the attitude asif i dun care at all... butthe fact is I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM.... seriously ismy first time to do so many thing to the extend i also learn alot..... thanks to him... if not i still living in my own princess luxury world...LOL.... now seriously is time to work hard,... stay focus in my carreeeerrr i should not bug him anymore......not a small baby at all.....
i love to bug him...
o love to share my everything with him...
i love to see him play his streetfighter...
i just love to hangout with him even i have nothing to do... i also won't get bored........
i dun know... is quite late already... i wanna go for morning run tomorrow..... i cannot give up my kilo 45 target... i promised him... and big girls like me cannot backout my words~!
i guess i contnue tomorrow.... will upload a video i took~ it's quite entertaining.... LOL




is a song i found in YoUtube, is nice song.... i like it~!!!

this is something i like too... lol....

ahhhhhhh is 3.22am~!! oh gosh~~!... i had my sweet wholebody scrub... using dead sea salt~! and facial scrub~!!! now i feel soooooo refreshing....
i dun know why... but because he say i look dull.... i go buy the sea salt to scrub all my impurities away~~!!
i wish my face can glow... got the radiant he said.... i dun understand how isit like.... but i try my best to make myself more presentable....anyway is for myself... i dun want to be an auntie when i am still single and available~!! anyway there's a saying~" when i look good... i also feed good.. when i feel good.. confidence level will also be better... then i will also be happier"
ahahaha i guess i will stop here~!


just share some picture i taken last few days =)